It's My Body, But It's Not My Choice
We’re well into the 2,000’s and I’m supposed to be understanding of a woman who feels more at home in a men’s bathroom or of a man who only enjoys being clothed in a dress and high heel. I’m supposed to welcome men liking men and woman attracted to woman. I’m supposed to care about African Americans who haven’t always had the same opportunity as Caucasians. I’m supposed to be sensitive to Muslims who are profiled when in fact they are wonderful people. I’m supposed to go to bat for woman who aren’t paid the same as men. I’m supposed to stand up for woman who’ve been taken advantage of. I’m supposed to defend people crossing a border because they are desperate to live a safe and secure existence.
I’m supposed to be compassionate toward all these people and I am! As someone who’s endured so many struggles and hardships, I have enormous empathy for the plight of others. When do I receive the same in return though? In a world filled with ever-growing tolerance and affinity for all sorts of people in all sorts of situations, there’s no embrace for me, a man crippled by the pain of divorce.
I’m also supposed to champion woman’s reproductive rights and again I do. Pro-Choice supporters routinely maintain, and Supreme Court nominees concur, that no law exists which regulates a man’s body. There is one though. Divorce law regulates men’s and woman’s bodies. I chose to be a married father; however, I’m forced to live as a divorced dad which is extremely painful for me daily and has all but destroyed my life. Just as a woman doesn’t want to be obliged to give birth, I shouldn’t be compelled to live as someone I don’t want to be either.
Simply put, Roe V Wade said a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body without government interference, however, Roe did not give a woman an absolute right. It was conditional based on trimester. Later on, Planned Parenthood V. Casey changed but essentially upheld the conditionality of this right. Divorce should be treated the same, a conditional right.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying an unhappily married spouse should be condemned to live in that body either. Either person should always be free to terminate a marriage, however, it should be conditional based on whether or not there are children involved. Obviously, I realize it’s not as simple as this and merely mandating a spouse stay in an unhappy marriage is not an answer. Neither is unfettered divorce though. We need to reestablish the culture of commitment that existed decades ago, however, this time peer pressure should be to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to fix a broken marriage, as opposed to the way it used to be when problems were swept under the rug and woman felt trapped.
Many Pro-Choice supporters, including Presidential Candidates and other leaders, qualify their beliefs, expressing abortion should be safe, legal, and rare. Lots, however, don’t like the use of that last word, rare. They contend it stigmatizes abortion and casts judgement on those who seek it. I’ve been a part of two abortions and it’s not something to celebrate nor is it something anyone seeks to have on their life’s resume. If it were, the entire birth control industry wouldn’t exist. Likewise, people don’t set out on their wedding day to get divorced. It’s never a desired outcome, even for those who choose it. Divorce, like abortion, should be safe, legal, and rare.
So, to Pro-Choice supporters, heads you win - tails I lose, is not okay. It’s my body but it’s certainly not been my choice! By the way, Pro-life Supporters, it’d be nice when you speak of protecting the family that for once this would mean reducing divorce rather than outlawing abortion! How come you don’t have the same energy and passion for this?
As for me, I’ve been divorced ten years and I’m in just as much pain today as I was on day one. I said to my wife when discussing having children that I don’t want to have kids if divorce is ever an option, that I want a family more than anything but not if divorce would ever be on the table, that I know myself and after all I’ve been through (which took a book to tell and will take a sequel to finish telling) I won’t handle it well. My vision of the person I trusted most in this world giving me her word remains crystal clear! Society doesn’t much care about her broken promise though. Rather, the Rat Race says there’s something wrong with me because I haven’t gotten over it. I say there’s something wrong with our culture.
Nevertheless, I’ll continue to have empathy for the disenfranchised. I wonder if those same people will ever have empathy for me?
